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TRANSCRIPT:
Hello. Hello and welcome to the Wisdom Tree podcast. I’m doctor Genie Mathews Pinkney, and we are sponsored by choose Love Ministry.
Hopefully everybody is doing well this first day of November.
Just last night was Halloween and today it is snowing at my house. So how?
About you guys.
Technically, it’s still fall season, but the weather feels like winter.
I mean, secular commercialized Christmas is now in full swing. It’s like, do they even know what the holidays and seasons and special occasions are for? But I digress.
I was actually having my coffee this morning and the snow started and I thought.
Yeah, it’s time to start thinking about goals and plans for next year.
That’s the long winter. Months are 4.
There is time to meditate and create visions and dreams and goals and plans.
Winter is the season to dream.
And it’s going.
To be here.
Soon, but before I get ahead of myself, it is still follow y’all so.
So before we begin thinking about New Year’s resolutions, resolutions 2 months away, let’s do some final fall clean up and clearing away of the old stuff. How about we talked today about why do we give up on our goals and dreams and resolutions every year?
Why do we abandon our dreams?
So a little bit about me. I went to college at a high school like a.
Lot of people.
But I didn’t do very well and I dropped out my third year.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do or be. My goal was to get a degree.
And I wanted it in something that I could help others with in my career.
32 years later, I finally graduated with my academic degree.
But that wasn’t until I enrolled in a program and got mentoring to help me rediscover, rediscover and to calibrate my dream. After I had abandoned.
It for so long.
Why had I given up on?
It in the first place.
All of you guys who are listening, I know can relate to creating New Year’s resolutions in a week or two or a month or two. You’re back to your old habits and you’re hating yourself and you’re feeling like you failed and eventually you say to yourself next year.
Well, I said next year to myself and my college dreams.
A lot over.
32 years.
But I did finally go back to college.
And after graduating, I decided to deconstruct my thoughts and the process that allowed me to put off that dream for 30 years.
I also talked to a lot of other people in the process of becoming a dream builder coach and.
And teaching life by design every winter since 2017.
And I would love.
To help you not wait 30.
Years for your dream.
So I want to talk to you about what?
I have uncovered.
I found five key things that kept me stuck and unsatisfied.
And not having success in this goal that I wanted and I think most people can relate to these, the reasons people abandon their dreams is because #1.
They don’t know what they really want.
They don’t know what they really want. When I look back to age 22, I only had the vaguest idea of what I was trying to accomplish. In college. I wanted a degree that would let me help people.
But the majors I tried, and there were a few.
Didn’t seem to align with me. I didn’t love what I was studying.
And my grades really reflected this misalignment and and eventually.
I gave up.
How many times have you said?
Something like.
I’m going to lose weight this.
Year I’ve said it myself.
But when you said that you didn’t say how much you wanted to lose or you didn’t.
Specify how exactly you were going to accomplish that. You just sort of winged it.
You just sort of changed your eating habits, or you just sort of worked out.
You just sort of worked on your dream and you sort of got results.
And then eventually you sort of left your goal behind for next year.
You might have been the person.
Who really goes for it though?
And in the beginning you put all your energy and all into your goal. You’re hyped, you’re excited, you’re energized.
But you don’t have a plan for what to do when you start to get tired.
Or when those old habits start to creep back up.
Little by little, your excitement goes away and.
You give up.
Number one here. They don’t know what they really want. This is probably the biggest reason. The most common reason I have found that people aren’t successful.
We create vague dreams and we get vague results and then we quit.
Right.
The second reason people abandon their dreams.
Is they get busy with life.
So just a few years after I left college.
I was living clear across the country. I was married to my Navy husband.
And I was raising two children.
My priorities became paying bills and working around the around the kids needs and schedules, keeping the house clean, not to mention moving every three years to a new military base in a new state and even overseas.
Family life kept me pretty busy.
But the longing to go back to school was always there, and I even recognized that if I had had a profession, it would actually be a help to the family budget.
But I also love being available for the kids and for my husband, who was competitive in the base Captains Cup.
I also still didn’t know what I wanted to study and I never truly created a vision or a dream of what my.
Career would look like.
So there was no excitement.
To make my dream a priority.
I know you have set goals and life has.
Gotten in the way?
Maybe you were supposed to walk every evening for your goal to get healthier.
But one day you have a rough day at work and you don’t feel like walking or the kids have a big last minute school project due the next day.
So you put off the walk until tomorrow.
And before you know it.
It’s been 2 weeks or a month since you last walked and.
You give up on that goal.
That’s how life happens, especially when we don’t have a clear vision that we’re excited about.
And that we just cannot stop ourselves.
From working on.
You know, a dream that excites us. We’re like I’m doing it.
If we are excited enough, we don’t let life get in the way. Which brings me to reason 3.
On why people?
Abandon their dreams. They don’t love their dream.
Right now I have a new rescue Kitty who’s very demanding of my time and she likes to go in and out of the house all the time, so I’m always, you know, listening to her meow to get back in or meow to get back out.
I’ve had a really hard time this week getting to the computer for any significant amount of time, but this morning I looked at her.
And I said no.
I’m going to work today because my work is my dream and so here I am.
But I didn’t.
Love those majors? I tried out in.
My younger days.
I tried psychology.
I tried sociology, I tried elementary education.
None of those felt right for me.
I made a lot of excuses as to why I couldn’t go to class.
I made a.
Lot of excuses as to why I couldn’t study.
And why I couldn’t do my best work?
When I did go back to school at age 52, yes. Wow, that’s a big deal, right?
I majored in history.
I love history. I have always loved history. It was always my best subject.
I love to watch documentaries. I love to read historical fiction and nonfiction. I love history based dramas.
I loved every minute of every class I took when I went back to college.
I made all A’s.
I brought my transfer GPA, which was a 2.25. Yes, y’all, that’s sad.
I brought it up to a three-point.
Oh, when I graduated.
Because I loved my major.
I loved my dream.
Here’s the fact you’re just not going to put your best effort into something.
You don’t love.
The fourth reason why people abandon their dream is that they can’t get beyond a constricted.
Or fixed thinking.
When when I first went to college, my very vague dream had two parts.
I wanted a degree.
And I wanted that to degree degree to be in something that I could use to help others.
The degree.
Had to get me to where I could help others. I could only help others if I got the degree. These things were bound tightly together.
30 years later, though, I was able to study history because I already had my ministerial credentials and was already helping people.
So my dream had actually expanded into two different dreams.
Both that I love.
Instead of trying to make them fit into one box.
So I went from a fixed mindset.
To an expanded mindset and ironically, my training with the Brave Thinking Institute to be a dream builder coach actually included some trips into history to study the Great Dream builders of the past.
Very cool. For me it it’s synchrony in action.
Love it, love it. Love it.
But where do you have constrictions or limits?
Or boundaries on your dream.
Where are your?
Boundaries fixed and stuck.
It could be fear of failure.
It could be worrying what others will think.
Does your dream have to look a certain way?
So that others in your life will accept it.
Is there a lack of resources like not having enough money or time?
Is it that you can’t see all the possibilities?
For yourself.
I know.
I had all those worries before going back to school.
If I had not been able to afford to go back to school full time.
It would have taken much longer to graduate while working a full time job. My results may have been different.
I get it.
These worries bring down the excitement that you have for your dream. They leave you in doubt.
They make you think that.
Success isn’t going to happen.
They make it very easy for you to say next year.
To your dream.
And finally, the fifth reason people abandon their dream is.
They lack support from others for their goals and dreams. Listen.
If we could only rely on just our own inner cheerleader to push us through the struggles of trying to achieve our dreams, it would.
Be a wonderful.
World. But we are human.
And humans are social beings and we.
Do crave approval and support from others.
We do need support in our times of.
Doubt and fear.
Most of the people in my life at the time I was in College in my 20s were either very negative or they were.
Apathetic about my schooling?
I didn’t have that go to person to say they were proud of me or to encourage me or to even advise me on how to pick.
A major.
I couldn’t see the possibilities for myself at the time.
And people in my life were loading me up with their own constricting thought.
I know you too have someone in your life that’s very negative about the changes you’re trying to make.
There are a lot of reasons why people who say they love you won’t support your dreams.
They may feel threatened by your success.
They may fear that you’re going to leave them behind.
They may even see you differently than you see yourself, and so they don’t have the faith in your abilities that you do.
But mostly, and I want you to hear this mostly, it doesn’t have anything to do with you.
They aren’t happy with their own success, or lack thereof, in their life.
And are deflecting their disappointment in themselves and their experience onto you.
And their fears and doubts weigh you down.
And often cause you to.
Give up on yourself too.
In 2020, when the world shut down for.
I found support online through the Dream Builder program.
With their mentorship, I began to believe I was worthy and that my dream was worthy.
Once I believed in myself and my dream, I was able to share this with my husband.
Who then believed in me and in my dream and supported me going.
Back to school.
And also, since those younger days.
I’ve tried to surround myself with people who are able to support me.
And they all did. Over the two years as I neglected them and our relationship.
So I could study.
They all understood and they.
Cheered me on.
You know, sometimes on social media we see posts that say.
Don’t worry about what other people think.
But that’s just not realistic for humans.
To help with that, we have to seek out people.
Whose opinions and support we can trust.
And that matter to us.
So yeah.
We’ve covered some very complicated real blocks to success.
These blocks ultimately lead to abandoned dreams.
People often don’t know what they want.
They get busy with life.
They don’t love their dream.
They can’t get beyond constricted thinking.
And they lack a support system or a mentor.
So as you’re preparing for winter and enjoying more time outdoors, spend some time going over this list and thinking about ways you can not get stuck by these I call them dream killing traps.
OK.
If you want to hear more from me about this, these things definitely.
Follow this podcast.
And also listen up for vision workshops, free vision workshops that.
I hold where I help people like you create a vision for their life that they love.
And I’m going to leave you with this.
You are worthy of your dreams.
So make a dream that is worthy of you.
And everything else.
Will fall into place.
Well, that’s it for this week.
And I want to thank choose love Ministry for.
Supporting us and sponsoring us.
I want to wish you guys a really safe week. If you’re in the snow, but also.
Enjoy the remaining fall.
Don’t rush. Don’t rush Christmas. Enjoy the fall and all the lessons fall brings us. OK, until next week. I’ll see you.
chooseloveministry.org 