Your New Year’s Resolutions Will Fail Again

Facebook Group: Vision Quest with Genie

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Hello. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Wisdom Tree podcast. I’m your host Dr. Genie. Happy New Year everybody. My goodness. How is everyone doing on this second day of January? Here we are.                

 So let me ask you, it’s the second day of January. Did you keep to your resolutions? Did you keep to your goals yesterday on the 1st? Yeah, I’m going to be honest with you. I did not, but. I’m OK with that because it was a holiday, you know? I sat around watching football. I watched movies. I did cook a traditional superstitioun friendly New Year’s dinner. And that’s a … like I pause there for a second because I have a whole other show I would like to do about superstitions at just thought about it all day as I was cooking the Black Eyed Peas and the cabbage and the pork and reading all my my friends posts on Facebook about everything they were doing to bring themselves some luck in the new year. So superstitions, that’s be on the lookout for that. I’m definitely going to talk about that.

But. You know, have a goal this year for my health and Wellness and one of those goals is to get back on a very low carb diet and that’s because I am diabetic. I did really well for a couple of years eating low carb and I didn’t feel bad about it. I didn’t crave sugar. I had sugar substitutes and I lost some weight. Everything was working out well. My brain really felt in good shape and I sort of fell off the wagon eating some french fries once.

When we we were moving, I was, I was in college full time and it was like, OK, just I don’t want to. I don’t want to eat another hamburger without a bun. Just get me the hamburger and get me. The fries and. And we’ll be fine. And yeah, so that was the end of that goal. I’ve. I’ve tried a few times to sort of get back on that track, it’s been really hard, but I have some new ideas how to get on it. Stay with it this year and and so yeah, yesterday, January 1st. What did I do? I had some chips. I had a a hot roll, a fresh fresh baked roll with my dinner and. I had some BBQ sauce, some pork and so yeah. I had some dessert so.

So yeah. Wow. Listen, imperfection, imperfection happens to everyone. And it happens during all of our goal planning. And you know, we we don’t feel like going to the gym or we really want to go shopping and spend some money that we’re supposed to be saving. The thing is that if people can’t embrace their imperfections then it’s going to lead to a lot of unmet expectations and disappointment and in our goals. Could even cause you to just throw your goal away and just say forget it.

So my topic today is your New Year’s resolutions will likely fail. OK. We know year after year, if we’re not successful, then we consider that a failure and we’ll say. I’m just going to throw away this resolution and I’ll start all over again next year.

How many of you have said it? You know I can’t see your raised hand, but I know there are a lot of raised hands out there. But you know, listen, it’s. It’s January 2nd, so what if my terrible eating yesterday caused me to quit my Health and Wellness goals already?

I mean, if we’re looking for an excuse not to change our diets – if I’m looking for an excuse not to change my diet, well yesterday’s mess up would be a really great way for me to just say forget it. I can’t do it. I can’t do it. It’s not going to be this year. It can’t do it.

But I can’t do it. I’ve done it. I’ve done it in the past, so I can eat better today. I know it. And you know, the more days that I eat better, the fewer days, I’ll feel guilty when I don’t eat better, right? So I know in advance that I’m going to stumble and I’m going to have failure. But this year my path to reaching my goals, I realize it’s not going to be perfectly smooth or without challenges. And it’s in those challenges where I will grow and find my ultimate success in achieving my health and Wellness goals.

So for most, the challenges would end there. Oh, I missed a day on my diet. I missed a day going to the gym. I spent some money I shouldn’t have spent. That’s it. It’s over.

Right.

But here’s the reasons why we let one little hardship, 1 little stumble end our resolutions? OK,

One reason is that you don’t really know what you want.

You may not know what you really want, or maybe you’ve got a vague idea of what the goal is or a have vague idea would be. I want to lose 25 lbs. OK. That’s a goal, to be sure, but nothing in that statement said how I’m going to do it. What I’m going to do if I stumble how how I’m going to be accountable. Yeah, it’s it’s vague, right?

Also, perhaps you’re setting goals because it’s what others want for you in your life. Maybe it’s not even what you really want for yourself?

OK, so you’ve got to know that clarity is power. It fuels your success. You’ve got to get really specific on what you want,.

Another reason that that challenges prop up and they end our our goal seeking. They end our resolutions.

You can’t envision the end goal.

Part of getting specific is being able to see and feel yourself in the life you’re working towards, so you got to visualize yourself in the life that you longed to live. You got to see it. But you also have to hear it. What does it sound like? Feel it. What does it feel like? You have to fully immerse yourself in the life you want through visualization. And you have to make that a daily practice. You, you you’ve got to set some time of day every day to to see that vision and to live in that vision, to live where it is you want to be. OK.

But remember the first reason is you don’t know what you want you. Can’t visualize what you don’t know that you want.

The next reason is that. Your subconscious is full of programmed beliefs and fears that keep you in a boundary that we call your comfort zone.

The purpose of the subconscious mind is so that you can live your life on autopilot. You know, and it likes to know what to expect and how to react to life for you so you don’t have to do a lot of thinking about it. It’s supposed to make your life easier and safer and more comfortable. And this subconscious it helps you survive difficult times. It keeps you functioning under stress. But it’s made-up of all these beliefs and lessons from childhood, many things that you were told to believe. And told how to respond to situations in life. You will behave this way. At Grandma’s house, you will behave this way at school. You know. And yes, we we need to behave at school but that made us maybe not advocate for ourselves if something was wrong, right? We didn’t stand up for ourselves. We didn’t speak for ourselves. So that set a boundary on us. On what we could expect in life.

Here’s something about the brain and and about the subconscious mind. OK, your brain believes what you tell it. So if someone told you how to act or what to say, or who to be and you said, OK, I’m going to do it like this. This is who I am. This is how I’m going to react to a situation. Your subconscious made a note of it, and then the next time it reacted without you having to tell it to or without your parents having to tell you. Your subconscious said, oh, this is it. You said this is how we’re going to be and the subconscious will do anything and say anything to get you to follow that script, to follow that belief.

So you know. An interesting example is especially in my generation, we were told to be afraid to talk to strangers, don’t talk to strangers. You know the stranger danger, right? OK. And you that got stored in your subconscious. So how many of you out there who grew up with that belief and now have anxiety about talking on the phone or going to a job fair and and approaching a stranger at a job fair booth to talk to them or going to a job interview. OK, so not only do we have the fear of like failing at a job interview , our subconscious reminds us that strangers are people to fear. So we fear the person that we’re talking to. And and you know, yes, of course. We don’t want our kids walking up to random people on the street stuff. We know the dangers there are of that. Instead of just making it, the total rule, never ever talk to stranger all strangers are a danger, you know. Could we have learned to look at each individual situation and decide for yourself. Is this person a danger? Is this person too close to me? Is this person giving me bad vibes. Is this person you know, so that instead of just saying all strangers are dangerous let’s look at an individual person and give us the tools. Give us the power. Give us the knowledge and the wisdom to decide for ourselves. Over time, we didn’t really have that discussion did we? It was just a blanket statement. Don’t talk to strangers so.

These beliefs come up in situations for us and we call them paradigms. So, for example, when you’re trying to tell yourself you want something new. You want to make a change in your life. You want to go for a new job. You want to buy a house. You want to start a business. There’s a voice in the back of your mind that says you can’t do that because dot dot dot and it’s going to give you a reason because. Well, that that dot dot dot – that reason you know you don’t have enough money, You you’re afraid to make a phone calls, You don’t have the skills. You’re unworthy.

OK, whatever that because is. That’s your paradigm. It’s speaking for your fears. It’s speaking for your beliefs. It’s reminding you. Hey, we believe this way. You told us this is the way you want to live your life. You know, paradigm say, oh, no, you didn’t follow your goals on January 1st. So now the whole year is ruined and you have to start. All over again next year. Ohh yeah yeah, that voice tried to speak to me yesterday and I just told her simmer right down. Cause I understand. That it’s just a boundary that I have set for myself and I had to step over that boundary and and put my paradigm in check.

So another reason that you. Your resolutions don’t succeed is you don’t seek the support mentorship that you need to succeed.

We know that having a support system in our lives is pretty important. We do have people we can go to in emergencies or in tragedy strikes. We have friends that we go out to dinner with and we celebrate with and we share our lives with. These are wonderful people. Your family and your best friends.

They may not be the people you need when you’re trying to achieve your goals. Because listen, not everybody will understand what you’re trying to achieve. Not everyone is OK with you changing. Because they’re afraid of what means what that might mean for their life. Some people just have too much drama in their lives to really be there for you for the long term goals that you have. You know, short term, they’ll be there for you for an afternoon. But man, next week they got stuff. Going on, right? They got other things to deal with.

OK, when our friends and family aren’t able to give us the support we need, how do we feel? We feel like we failed. We feel like we’re unworthy. And this can cause us to stop seeking our dreams. You need a support system that is made-up of people who understand your goals and who have agreed to walk beside you on your path. These are can be counselors. It can be women’s circles. Masterminds are great life coaching. Or a mentor from your industry. These are really great avenues of support. They know where you’re coming from and most importantly, they know what you need and they’re not invested in this as someone threatened by your growth.

And the the final reason why we end our resolutions without success is you see the stumbles and falls as failures.

Instead of seeing them as part of your growth. Stumbles on your path are the moments of setback where paradigms pop up, where you’re frustrated and impatient with the rate of your change with the rate of your success. It’s not coming fast enough for you. Things aren’t going your way.

Maybe you had a day where you didn’t work on your goals, or a week, or gosh, maybe you got off track for a month. Some stuff happened in your life and you just you just couldn’t, right?

OK, maybe you’ve got moments where other people are telling you that you can’t be successful or that you won’t be successful with that – your deas just crazy.

I want you to know that these moments are actually gold nuggets for you. It’s there’s information in these situations that you can draw out and learn important lessons about yourself and about your dreams. OK. What can you learn from this discomfort you are feeling when your paradigms pop up? You know, ohh you don’t have enough money and you feel really uncomfortable and you feel ashamed because you’re spending money that you don’t have. You know what can you learn from that? What is the lesson behind being told “no” on your path. You know, maybe you’re you’re looking for a business partner. You’re. Going for an interview. For a new job and you don’t get it. You know, that doesn’t mean your dream has to end. There’s a lesson there, OK? How might you shift your plan if you don’t have the resources you need to move forward? OK, let’s say you don’t have the money. Let’s say you’re working another job and you don’t have the time. You need some different training.

You need some different job skills to you know you want to start a. You want to start. A little coffee shop.You you gotta learn how to make the best coffee. You gotta learn how to bookkeep. You got to learn how to set up a register. Set up. Your your sales point, right?

Maybe there’s training that you need. All right, so. You know, someone says, well, you don’t have the training for that. Don’t let that …that doesn’t have to be the end. That’s what I’m saying. Doesn’t have to be the end, it’s just a little hurdle that you have to get over and.

When you learn the tools that you need for your dream – What does that mean? It means you’ve grown. It means you’ve learned a lesson. You’re not the same person you were before, right? You’ve moved beyond the boundaries that your paradigms and your beliefs and your fears have set for you. OK.

And and this one? This may be the easiest of all five of the of these reasons for you to fix because If you simply shift your perspective on failure, you’ve changed it. So change the meaning of failure from failure means this is the end of of the road. This is the end of the path. This is the end of my dream. And now failure means, OK, this is an important lesson. I’m going to pick myself off up and dust myself off. And I’m going to learn the lesson. I’m going to grow and I’m going to continue on the path to my dreams. OK.

Say that in your head a few times. Failure is an important lesson in my growth on the path to my dreams.

I think that that’s Post it note on the mirror worthy you guys, so you might want to write that down and stick it up there and see it every day, right? Because understand if you’re able to make the shifts found in these reasons for ending your goal, you might find that you take your resolutions further this year and with better results than ever. But remember. Your resolutions are likely to fail again. Only now you will learn the lesson. From the failure. And you’re going to keep moving forward instead of quitting, right? Failure is just part of it. It’s just part of it and. Just keep going, right if.

You don’t have a mentor if you don’t have a coach. If you don’t have a support system that understands your dream. I have a new group on Facebook. It’s called Vision Quest with Genie. The link will be here. You’re welcome to join us. We’re just getting started on this new program where. We’re going to find some different ways to get around these five things. This is what we’re going to learn. About this year, OK. It’s a very. Feminine centric group. Very feminine energy, which men have feminine energy too. So this group is open to everybody. But it’s a very feminine centric look at success. It’s not your typical hierarchy, it’s not climbing steps, it’s not climbing a mountain. It’s very much. Feminine energy, which is more like a spiral, right? We’re going to go around. And not a circle which is closed where you repeat patterns, but in a spiral where you go around, you learn the lesson and that that circle widens and you go around again. But you know more this time, OK. See, so it feminine success is a spiral. So I invite you to join us there. We’re going to get started some this week and really look into it next week. I’ve got a a vision workshop already up reported that if you go into the group, you can watch it. So it’s on Facebook Vision quest with Jeannie. And I invite you to join us if you’re having trouble sticking to your resolutions. OK, so thank you, everybody. It’s been really great to be here and talk to you about this, and I hope to meet you soon. Bye. Bye.