As a friend, you’re invited to take my next free Vision Quest Workshop. Sign up at this link: eepurl.com/iCyuLA
Episode 103 Transcript
Principle II: Be Responsible for Yourself
This principle is better known COMPASSION.
Hello friends and listeners. I am happy to have you here for this series on Metaphysical Humanism.
The first half of this series I am talking about core principles of Metaphysical Humanism and the last episode I discussed principle 1: know yourself, or what I call the WISDOM Principle. And of course, self-wisdom is really the kind of wisdom I meant. Wisdom, or knowing yourself, is a principle of metaphysical humanism because there is part of you that is hidden, unseen, and invisible from the view of others in the physical world – these are metaphysical parts of you – your consciousness and your values and your beliefs and your thoughts – these are only evident to you and even then, only if you pay attention. Without self-knowledge you don’t know what you want and you sure can’t figure out how to get there. That’s why self-awareness, or wisdom, is the first principle –
I mentioned there are 5 principles of metaphysical humanism. These are foundational principles in my coaching and teaching.
The five principles are:
1. Know yourself.
2. Be responsible for yourself.
3. Honor and respect free-will.
4. Choose Love.
5. Become Self-Actualized.
Today I am talking about the second principle: be responsible for yourself.
I like to call this the Compassion Principle.
You might wonder how self-responsibility and compassion are related – but I wonder if you can imagine any better way to show compassion to your loved ones and the world than to take care of the things that are yours to take care of in life? Feeling compassion for others is a big part of standing on your own two feet and not leaving your stuff for others to take care of.
I’m recording this around Valentine’s day, and I’ve been thinking lately about when my kids were younger and how hard they would try to bring me gifts on valentines day or mother’s day or christmas – and though I really cherish all those things they handmade for me – I would have really loved the gift of their rooms being clean without being told or letting me know in advance when they needed snacks for a school party or had a major project due. I also remember how excited I was when they learned to get their own breakfast on the weekends – it felt like a huge win. It was just breakfast, but it was one thing they could do for themselves that I no longer needed to do for them. It allowed me to put that 5 or 10 minutes back into other things I needed to do. …and it was part of their growing up and learning self-sufficiency as well.
Can you relate moms and dads out there?
The word responsibility feels harsh, though -right? It feels like a chore – like something we are forced to do – and sometimes it feels like an attack. “hey! You need to be responsible!”
Compassion, on the other hand, is a kind and loving word and something we want to do to be good people.
Maybe it’s time for a paradigm shift about the word responsibility – time to soften it and understand it on a deeper level… let’s redefine responsibility as compassion for ourselves and others.
Sometimes we need help – and we should ask for it. And that is great! But responsibility and compassion for others means we do everything we can do and should do for ourselves.
It’s EMPOWERING. It builds confidence. It leads us to maturity and understanding of our own skills and abilities. It gives us the skills to succeed in life. It leads to Life Mastery and self-actualization.
Motivational philosopher Steve Maraboli says, “Your life begins to change the day you take responsibility for it.”
In other words, if you are seeking change in your life – you have to take responsibility for making the change. It won’t just happen on autopilot… fact of life: default mode never ends in the results you want.
If you are listening to self-help podcasts, then it is clear that you want to grow, and you want to achieve your goals and dreams. I commend you for taking responsibility and for searching for ways to grow and expand and make your life greater.
That’s self-responsibility. That is self-compassion.
So yes, compassion means to be responsible for your own stuff so that others – like the people you love – aren’t taking on those things for you. Because they have their own responsibilities too…
But still, it also means the traditional way we think about compassion – which is feeling empathy for others and taking action on that feeling – giving to others, offering kindness and assistance to others. To be compassionate is to take action, to do good, to do what’s right.
That may mean something as simple as checking on your elderly neighbor or shoveling the snow from their walk…. holding a door for the person behind you and thanking the person who holds the door for you – I mean, that’s just good manners and the purpose of good manners is to have compassion for the comfort and feelings of another person.
This more familiar kind of compassion still means responsibility. As humans of a higher thinking capacity, we do have a responsibility to each other, and to the animal kingdom, and to the earth. Our ability to solve problems and to think critically gives us the privilege of being able to make the most of our lives and with that privilege comes obligations to care for the parts of the world who are not so gifted. We are obligated to those who cannot be solely self-responsible.
Animals can’t prevent forest fires. That is our job as a species who can.
Children cannot provide for their basic needs like food, shelter, education. It is up to adults to do that – even if that is not our child, we can and should have the compassion to do so. It is our responsibility.
Why? Because we want those children to grow to adulthood and contribute to society and become self-sufficient. We want them to relate to other people who are different and learn cooperation and problem solving. They will one day lead the world, and we want them prepared as best as they can be for that role.
We have a generation of elderly who can no longer work and solely care for themselves – it is up to their family and their community to see they are cared for in the remainder of their days. It’s our responsibility to care for them. We are gifted with that unique ability as humans – we don’t leave our elderly to suffer and die alone – we don’t have to because we problem solve, and we have solutions to prevent people from being abandoned. It’s a gift especially given to humans from life – or god – or the universe – whatever you believe created you and breathed life into you gave you that gift.
We live in a community; we are part of society – it is a required assignment that we participate in that society – and we do participate everyday either willingly and as we choose, or unwillingly in default mode. We help pay for schools and roads and bridges and fire departments and security. If you don’t want to participate in society there is a choice there too -grab a tent and go live deep in the jungle away from the modern conveniences that society created. Otherwise – as a person of good character and principle – it is a requirement of living in the civilized world to participate and be a responsible member of society. You can participate in your own unique way with your talents and gifts and abilities, but you must participate. To not do so is irresponsible and dis-compassionate and ends in results you don’t want.
Humans are social animals. We need others for survival. And others need us for survival. No man is an island. That’s the core trait of being human – serving one another with our own particular skills and expertise. That’s what I mean when I say that you are responsible to do everything that you can do – that your are able to do – and everything that you should do – for yourself. That’s being compassionate and responsible with your loved ones, your community and with the world. Imagine if we all minded our own business and took care of what is ours to take care of… I’m thinking a much more peaceful life.
A much more empowered life. Empowering yourself is part of your journey to self-actualization. So, when you are able to and in situations where you SHOULD – choose to empower yourself. You’ll find your self-image increases. You’ll feel powerful. You’ll be proud of yourself. You’ll feel part of something. You’ll feel your life has purpose and meaning. Your vibrations will soar higher when you do good and feel good about yourself and your abilities.
Don’t deny yourself that. It’s a really great feeling! Not to mention – it brings more joy and abundance into your life! Remember the invisible laws of the universe conspire to give back to you what you put out there.
Everyday we have frequent opportunities to be responsible and compassionate. Things like making thoughtful decisions about where to spend money, getting our work done, driving safely….
A situation where you should be self-responsible would be something like cleaning up a mess you made – so your spilled milk, or messy kitchen – you clean it up instead of leaving it for others.
But also, maybe you created an emotional mess with a relationship where there was a fight or disagreement and things were said that were hurtful, or where someone was let down – apologize, make amends, honor the other person’s boundaries – and that is taking responsibility. That is having compassion for the friend or partner or loved one in your life that you may have hurt. This too is a mess that you have a responsibility in cleaning up. And maybe they have some responsibility in it too – and now that you know its your responsibility, you can lead the way in showing others about true compassion by cleaning up messes you make in life. You go first, they will follow and learn and mature.
You know what it feels like to be disappointed or have a friend not be there for you. You might know what it is like to be in a low place with no solutions you can find. You know what it is like to really need help and be in a situation where you can’t do it all on your own. We all experience this. Needing help is part of the human experience.
I talked in an earlier episode about how I dropped out of college when I was younger – I had fallen into depression, and I didn’t know myself well enough to understand what was going on. I couldn’t pick a major. I had no direction. I had no help.
And I didn’t seek help because, well, it was still in that time that we didn’t talk about mental health. And asking for help was weak. I couldn’t show vulnerability or weakness to my family. I was afraid to ask for help from people I didn’t think would help – that would reject me.
But the result of not asking for help when I needed it was to fall deeper into depression, shame, and helplessness. I couldn’t see any way out of the destitute situation I found myself in.
When I finally did ask for some help it was in the form of government assistance, so I was able to eat and not live on the street.
I still didn’t seek help for my mental health. I didn’t seek help getting my life together. I didn’t seek help to change my situation. I didn’t seek help to figure out who I was and what I wanted in life.
That was me not being self-responsible or self-compassionate. The responsible thing would have been to seek real help to change my life, but I was too immature and lacked self-awareness. I didn’t feel compassion for myself enough to help myself. I didn’t love myself enough to care for myself. I was more concerned about my self-esteem – which I now call “them-esteem” – because self-esteem is based on what they think of me.
Help for me came when I got married and finally had some level of security in life. I didn’t pull myself up out of the pit of despair by myself because few people can come out of the depths of despair and shame on their own. It took many years for me to conquer depression and still to this day I live with sometimes debilitating anxiety that I continue to heal through metaphysical and physical medicinal tools. I did finally learn to be responsible to myself – to be compassionate to myself – and take care of that which is mine to take care of – including my mental health.
We all need help and support in life – again, that is why humans live in communities – for mutual support. It’s the greatest gift humans possess. And it’s okay to ask for help because that too is being self-responsible – knowing when to get support. That is self-compassion. That’s empowering yourself to be able to reach out for help when you can’t do it alone. It is okay to seek help.
And then an opportunity will come up for you to give back – you can give support to someone else who is suffering and needing help. That is part of your responsibility – to give aid to those who can’t help themselves. And once you know you can accept help, you’ll be less likely to see helping others as a chore or an obligation – but rather you’ll view it as the gift of being human.
Every one of us can do something to give compassion and support to someone else in need – you don’t need to be wealthy or clever – a smile, an ear to listen, patience, a shoulder to cry on, or sage wisdom when they seek advice. Ask anyone who has been through a dark storm in life, and they will say how much they appreciated the text messages from a close friend after everyone else moved on – or the dinner invites that still came after they cancelled so many times due to depression or anxiety.
Self-responsibility is asking for help when you need it. That is being compassionate towards yourself.
Self-responsibility is being a giver of support. That is being compassionate towards others.
Self-responsibility is also about you actively maturing. This includes things like growing your emotional IQ.. or your EQ. Understanding your emotions leads to better decision making, more satisfying relationships, and improved results in your life.
Maturity is doing grown up things like budgeting and making good financial decisions. Paying taxes, voting in elections. Maturity is living for your goals, your dreams, and your plans in life instead of living to satisfy or to impress other people.
Speaking of goals – yes, it is your responsibility to work towards your life goals, your dreams, your purpose. You are here for a reason – I believe that – and there is some version of this belief in all religions. You are here to serve a purpose. Some believe you have a pre-destined path – you are meant to be a doctor, or an educator, or a spiritual leader – or a writer.
Whatever your beliefs, know this – there is something in you seeking to expand to a greater form – something in you longs for more… dreams for a greater life. Hopefully through the wisdom principle you know what it is you want to do, be, or have in life. You have a vision for your life. Self-responsibility and compassion say it’s up to you to go for it – become who you are meant to be.
So, to summarize today, principle 2: being self-responsible means having compassion for yourself and for others. Do your part and participate in the world with the best of your gifts, talents, and abilities. Clean up your messes, follow your dreams, and seek help and support when you need it.
You owe it to yourself and to the world to self-actualize – to rise up and become the best version of you – and you do it by taking a step at a time in maturing towards a more expanded version of yourself.
Responsibility and compassion are really about maturity. They are empowering traits that see you becoming greater than you ever though you could be – your vibrations rise higher – your relationships are better – your life comes together – you feel stronger and better about yourself and your place in the world – and you find yourself living in greater joy and happiness and abundance.
Your obligation as a human being is to participate fully in life – that is best way to describe responsibility and compassion – just being the best human you can become. That’s the privilege of being gifted this life – to be responsible for it.
You have everything you need to do this. I know you can.
chooseloveministry.org 