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Episode 104 Transcript
Principle III: Honor and Respect Free Will
Hello friends and listeners. I am happy to have you here for this series on Metaphysical Humanism.
The first 6 episodes of this newly envisioned Wisdom Tree podcast is all about Metaphysical Humanism and the 5 principles that guide this philosophy. In the last episode I talked about Principle II: Be responsible for yourself, which I also call the Compassion Principle. We updated the definition of responsibility to mean having compassion for yourself and others because there is no better way to show compassion for your loved ones and the world than by taking care of the stuff that is yours to take care of…
The five principles of Metaphysical Humanism are:
1. Know yourself.
2. Be responsible for yourself.
3. Honor and respect free-will.
4. Choose Love.
5. Become Self-Actualized.
Today I would like to talk about Principle III: Honor and respect free will, which I nicknamed the WILLPOWER principle.
Let’s first define what free will is: it’s the ability to freely desire to do, be, or have something, to freely make a decision that you will do, be, or have something, and the ability to freely go and get it.
To see what free will looks like – just spend some time with a toddler. Watch them play and push boundaries as they learn and grow – they throw things, and eat things, and run off as soon as they get a chance. They seem fearless in climbing and touching and exploring. They are as spontaneous and as unrestrained as their environment allows. They are crushed to be told no or put in a play pen – and they escape as soon as they can. This is free will and the most freedom many people will have their whole lives -even though all humans have the birthright to be free and to exercise free will.
Free will is an innate human characteristic – an instinct. We are all born with it and as such we all have the capacity to want something more, to decide to get it, then to actually go get it. That is unless there are external and internal forces that silence our free will.. and we see this happen in families with authoritarian parents, or relationships with controlling partners, or in countries with dictators and in religions with dogma that strips certain individuals of their freedom and equality.
However, even in the most freeing environments, there are sometimes things we must do to reach a goal or perform our job to get that paycheck that we don’t really want to do. That feels like we lose our free will in that situation – we’re being forced to do something.
Carl Jung said, “free will is the ability to do gladly that which I must do. “
Jung is saying that you have a choice even when doing things you didn’t choose to do. Your choice is in how you view that task and the attitude you bring to it. You can view it as a terrible thing – and suffer greatly while doing it. Or you can view it as a neutral thing – just a thing you are doing temporarily for a greater reward later– and you’ll not suffer nearly as much. Or you can embrace what you are doing – find the good in it – and not suffer at all. You can gladly do that what you must do – or you can suffer doing it – your attitude is an exercise in using your free will. Your choice is your feelings.
There are some words that we often use interchangeably with “free will” – the word freedom, or willpower – or just the word will. These are all parts of free will. In fact, at one time I called this the principle of freedom. But after years of coaching and discovery, I found that the engine that drives free will is actually Willpower.
To clarify, freedom is the desire part of free will. We desire freedom – every person born – every animal born – instinctively longs for freedom – no living being wants to be in a cage. We long for freedom to make our own choices and live our own lives. Freedom is the foundation of free will – if you aren’t free, then you may have to silence your free will or be tortured by it. Many people in history have been forced to endure a life without being free. Without freedom, you subdue your dreams and passions and desires. You are a prisoner of life in more ways than one. Freedom is a basic necessity we need to thrive – and often times we’ve had to fight for it when others tried to take it from us.
Will is making a choice to have a future result. You desire something and you decide that yes, you are going to achieve it. Will is deciding – making a choice. Part of free will is that you can choose the path of your life. It’s a powerful human ability to not to have to rely on instinct but to have the critical thinking ability of choice. I’ll talk about WILL separately in another episode later on in this series when I introduce the 6 Intrinsic Human Wisdoms – our 6 human superpowers!
I won’t go any further into WILL today, so today I want to highlight willpower because it’s the determination, the persistence, and the strength to exercise your free will. It’s like an engine that moves you forward. Willpower is about taking action towards achieving your goal and standing firm in your choice. Willpower is like a muscle – a metaphysical muscle that you can improve and strengthen. It’s actually your inner strength to get through tough times, to rise up after a fall. Look at the toddler who is learning to run and climb. They fall down – but they don’t stay there – because their willpower picks them back up.
Willpower is also about your self-control in taking action towards your desires and choices, and I’ll talk about that in a few minutes. Just contemplate for a minute if there is a line that can be crossed when trying to reach a goal or obtain something you want. Can you go to far? What is your responsibility in exercising your free will?
For now, know that free will is this tremendous metaphysical force inside you – you can’t see it, but it is a huge factor in you achieving your dreams and goals and controlling your own life and being truly free.
Let’s talk about how we access this power of free will. There are two times when this instinct kicks in. First, when you want to do, be, or have something. That’s freedom, right? You have to know what you want before your free will kicks in – and the minute you say “I want …this” your free will helps you get it. You will get ideas come to mind, and opportunities will appear, and you’ll have choices to make – and you make them – then you take action and stand firm in your choices. Free will is with you all the way. Even if you fail and fall down– it’s there to help you back up to try again.
The other time you are going to call upon free will is when you are in a situation or circumstance you don’t want to be in. Say you are in a financial situation and don’t have the money for a bill or an emergency. You can call upon your free will to find a solution. Really, it’s no different than when you do want something. You have to first figure out what you do want from the situation or circumstance. So, if it’s about not having money for a bill – focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. Focus on finding the money you need or making arrangements to make smaller payments on the bill or to get an extension of the time to pay it. Your free will kicks in and helps you make decisions and take the action necessary to find your way out of the situation.
But let’s say you want something, and you decide you are going to go for it. If you are someone who lives with an authoritarian personality or under a dictatorship – your free will most likely isn’t going to come when you call – you’ll have fear blocking it’s way. This is why we often blame ourselves when we can’t get out of situations or achieve our goals. Our free will is blocked by fear or abuse or trauma. Yes, your willpower and free will can be blocked.
But if it isn’t blocked and you want something – You want to be a teacher, for example – so you decide you are going to college. Your willpower has you applying to schools and finding the money to enroll. But is Willpower going to stick with you for the entire four-year journey?
A few years ago, I discovered that I wanted to finish my degree in History. And I found a good program and decided that I was going to do it! The problem – I had 56 credit hours to take and if I only went part time it could take me up to 4 years to finish! I did not have the willpower for 4 years of college. I just didn’t.
SO, I made the decision to go full-time and in the summers and in the short winter session of the holiday break. I started in November 2021 and finished in May 2023. Less than 2 years later I graduated. I had the willpower to work hard with a full course load without a break for 18 months.
Without self-awareness and noticing my limitations, I would have gone part time and probably not finished – or at the least, I would still be in school right now.
Willpower isn’t limitless. Just as being in an authoritarian environment can cause you to hide your free will, there are things that can deplete your willpower and cause you to get stuck or give up on your goals and dreams.
Things that deplete your willpower are things like paradigms popping up – subconscious beliefs about yourself and the world. They might tell you that you aren’t good enough or smart enough or that you don’t deserve the thing you desire. Also, being tired, lack of self-care, trying to have the willpower for others because they lack it, not having a clear vision of what you want, not reminding yourself of your dream, depression and untreated mental health, low self-image, immaturity, lack of self-control, an unsupportive environment or lack of a support system are all things that potentially lead you to being stuck.
These things wear us down – we lose motivation when it’s a constant struggle and begin to question our goals and dreams and if they are worth the effort. And this is why we say honor and respect free will. Because when you don’t, you lose it.
There are 4 things we can do to keep our willpower muscle in good shape.
1. Respect boundaries – yours and other peoples
Part of being free is being free to be you and to choose your values and what you like and don’t like. Boundaries are ways we make that clear to other people and they make their wishes clear to us. Honor boundaries. If you’ve set a boundary – stick to it! They make things simpler.
2. Check your co-dependency
It’s not your job to fix other people. Stop trying to rescue people who don’t want to be rescued. Stop with the unsolicited advice to people who never asked for your opinion. Stop thinking you can love someone into growth. Really. Stop it. You can’t anyway. This saps your energy, and your willpower is spent outside of yourself on people who lack their own willpower.
3. Don’t be an Enabler
Remember the episode of being responsible for yourself? That principle applies to everyone – not just you. Don’t do for someone else what they can and should do for themselves. Again, taking care of other people’s stuff saps your energy, and it takes away their freedom to mature and evolve and learn life lessons.
4. Have self-control
Self-control is about controlling the only person that is yours to control – Y.O.U. The only exception is if you have minor children, but even then, remember, allowing them to make decisions and make mistakes is how they mature. Allow them to access their free will so they can make good choices when they aren’t under your roof any longer.
That being said – know that when your children grow up and become adults – they are due the freedoms you enjoy. No more unsolicited advice. No more demands they live by your rules. It’s hard – it is so hard to cut those strings y’all – but having a mature adult relationship with your kids is worth it.
“But Dr. G! What if they are asking me for help all the time?” Well, I would refer you to numbers 2 and 3 – don’t be in a co-dependent relationship with your adult children and definitely don’t enable them to not be self-responsible. Help them if they can’t help themselves – if they are doing everything they can do – of course, lend a hand. But they have to be doing their part to be self-sufficient.
Also, it’s not your responsibility to control your parents, or your siblings, or your partner, spouse, significant other. Not your neighbors, or the people who have a different religion than you, or the people who have different politics than you, or the people who have their own free will and own ideas about what they want in their lives.
I work as a substitute teacher part time and anyone who has been in an elementary or middle school classroom knows the tattle telling is incessant. “She isn’t supposed to sit there… he has a toy from home… they aren’t working on their assignment….”
I try to tell the students that “I hear you and that I am releasing you of the job of watching what other students are doing –I am going to take over for you so you can just do your work and not have to worry about doing the job the adults are supposed to do so you can just be a student.”
This seems to work better than just saying “stop tattling”
But that’s a lesson for us too… and I’m sorry to sound harsh. But it’s time we all start minding our own business and taking care of our own stuff – unless someone’s actual physical life is at risk – not their feelings at risk – their lives – otherwise – do you and let others be free to do them.
Remember – we are all born with the instinct of free will. Everyone. And NO ONE has a greater right to exercise their free will than anyone else. Yes, we follow laws – laws that we as a society agreed upon and those laws should be applied equally. Yes, we have to ensure the physical safety and wellness of children and the elderly and people who can’t ensure their own safety and wellness – but that doesn’t mean they lose their free will.
You don’t have a right to tell others what to do. You don’t. Even if they offend you. Until there are laws that say you can’t say anything offensive – we have freedom of speech in my country still.
Control you. Control your response. Control your emotions. Control your sensibilities. Control your choices.
Honor and respect free will… for yourself and also that of others… so you can focus on your goals, your dreams, the things you would love in your life. Don’t waste your life worrying about how other people live their lives. Live for you and your life will fall into place. Because to do otherwise if giving too much of your power and energy to people outside of yourself. To do otherwise is an injustice to yourself and your dreams and your goals that suffer when your willpower is given away and depleted.
As spiritual people, we tend to be the crowd that fights for the rights of others, and sometimes, even though we have the best intentions in helping others, we don’t check our own controlling behaviors. There are spiritual, ethical, political, and religious communities that demand everyone live their way. That’s not freedom – its dictatorship. If you are demanding someone live your way or think your way, that’s not freedom – not for you and not for them.
So, I asked earlier if you thought there was a point where you could cross the line with free will and trying to be, do, or have what your desire.
Yes, of course there is.
Anytime you infringe on the freedom of others, or they infringe on your freedom, the line is crossed.
As a society, we participate and create laws of order and justice. Otherwise, we are supposed to be free to make our own lawful path in the world. No one has the right, in my country, for now – to take my lawful freedom from me – or from you. Even though that lines has been crossed in recent years.
But just because someone is offended by your choice to live your life the way you want, doesn’t mean they have any right at all to stop you.
It also means that if you have made the choice to do something dangerous that could place others in real physical danger or cause someone real physical harm without their consent, you don’t have the right to exert your free will in that way. Physical harm means damage to their body, finances, their home, their car, their job, or their survival.
It doesn’t mean feelings. We can’t stop free will based on someone else’s feelings. Because everyone has a choice in how they interpret someone’s words and how to feel. Feelings are a choice – it’s part of your own free will. You decide how the behavior of someone else makes you feel. If you feel offended its because you made the choice to be offended. You know the Thought to Belief Cycle – thoughts create feelings. Control your thoughts you control your feelings.
Also, you should be prepared to pay the consequences of your decisions that harm others and you should be prepared to clean up the messes your decisions and action creates. Here’s a big life lesson – just because you can do something – just because you have the freedom to do something – just because you aren’t responsible for how others feel about your doing something – doesn’t always mean it’s okay or in line with your values to do it. Again – this is where the ideals of the first 3 principles are invaluable: self-wisdom, self-responsibility, and self-control.
Free will is about you taking control of your freedom – making good choices for yourself – taking action towards what you want to do, be, have in your life. Allowing others to be free. Allowing others to choose their life. Allowing others to live their life. Don’t block or prevent others from being free. Just as you don’t want others interfering in your freedom. Control yourself and allow others the same opportunity to mature and self-actualize.
This is how to Honor and respect free will – to recognize that freedom is not contingent upon status, or wealth, or position – everyone is born with the same birthright and responsibility of freedom.
Imagine a world where everyone honored and respected that.
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